Marvin

My stomach hurts and I don't want to translate a paper so I'm going to take a break.

I have a student named Marvin, he's a transfer student from Linda Vista Elementary School, he's very tall for his age, and is even-tempered. Sometimes he understands what I'm saying with ease and others, with great difficulty, I didn't think too much about it until today.

Come to find out, Marvin immigrated from El Salvador about two years ago. When I found out, I immediately felt humbled.

While waiting for some kids to finish their homework in Homework Center, I said, "Marvin, ven aqui." I started to ask him about his experience...He said that it's hard for him to do his homework because it's in English, and though his dad started to teach him English some time ago, he learned the majority of it in school, he also prefers his native tongue over English. At one point I asked him, "Do you like it here?" He shook his head and I noticed that he lowered his face, as to avoid eye contact with me. I asked, "Do you miss home?" At this point when he looked up, his eyes were bright red and glossy. I asked him, "Do you want to go to the bathroom?" and to this, he said yes.

While he was in the bathroom, I thought about how life is difficult. In reading Spanish poetry, a common theme is a love that people have for their "patria", their homeland. Jose Marti automatically came to mind, some lyrics in a song by Calle 13 say, "El que no quiere a su patria, no quiere a su madre." I would love to move to Los Angeles, New York City, or Miami but to permanently move to another country, though sounds exciting, is equally scary. Marvin probably feels displaced. I thought about the "American Dream", and though he may eventually grow to like San Jose, California, for a ten-year-old to move from a Spanish speaking country to an English speaking country, keep up with homework in English, make friends and communicate in English, along a list of other things, Marvin is a very strong young man.

When he came back, I told him that I study Spanish in school and that I'll need someone to practice with. He then told me, "I don't like Spanish" and I responded, "What? You just told me you did?" He told me that his mom told him not to speak Spanish to anyone, and I realized that she probably wanted Marvin to assimilate well. I then told him, "Marvin, everyone speaks Spanish here." I called over about four different students and told them to tell me about their Thanksgiving in Spanish, and sure enough, Marvin and I both were entangled in stories in the language of love. He smiled. I wanted him to recognize that probably 90% of the students (Lyndale has a 97% Latino presence) speak Spanish, and many kids live in his situation or some variation of it.

I found out that Marvin doesn't like pizza because "it makes you fat". He doesn't like hot dogs, but he does like spaghetti.

When it was silent reading time, I noticed him dozing off and not paying attention, and he had every right to, why read a book in a language that is difficult to understand? I told that him that he needed to read to me. He initially hesitated but I told him, "No, porque ya me dijiste que para ti, es dificil para entender ingles, y necesitas practicar." I felt like I was acting in my purpose when I was helping him, it took him about ten minutes to read two pages. I thought about the struggle Marvin will have to endure, and how he'll have to figure it out along the way, and I thanked God for my job at this point because I want to see Marvin suceed, and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that he does. I'm going to take him under my wing. I told Ryan that we meet half way with his under-developed English and my under-developed Spanish. There was one part in the book that said "pretty frightening", I told him, "En este sentido, 'pretty' no significa 'hermosa' o 'linda' o 'guapa' o 'bonita', es el mismo que 'muy' o 'tan', como 'very'" and he shook his head in understanding. Another part of the book had a sentence that said, "his mom wanted him to leave a tip" and I asked him, "Sabes lo que significa 'tip'?" He responded, "punto?" And I told him, "No, en este sentido, es lo que tus padres pagan a una persona que lleva maletas, como..." and Marvin finished my thought by saying, "...tres o cuatro dolares." I smiled.

I'm sure many of you know by now that my heart is for el pueblo latino. I am not defending my heart by this statement, but I will say that Latinos face things like lack of resources, lack of formal education in order to help their children, language barriers, and racism, amongst other things. The language barrier is an area where I feel that I will be used. When I was explaining the meanings to Marvin, I thought that maybe on down the line, I can become an ESL specialist, and with my tutoring, I'd love to self-contract myself as a tutor for Spanish speaking children who are struggling in literacy or ESL students at little or no cost at all.

I can't tell you how good it felt to help him. Marvin is going to succeed in his life.

I can't pinpoint what my purpose is, but I do know that I acted in it today.

words and stuff

Free write just the words that come to my mind immediately not really any punctuation maybe some punctuation... call it lazy or call it visceral I'm listening to good music and I felt like writing i wish i could get over this annoying need for preparation i want to start living right now not tomorrow not next year not soon but now. if you have that same problem lets make a pact, let us relinquish future orientation let us love people right now.. fully and completely i'm let's give our stuff away and live adventurously lets be about what we speak. i wanna be free from myself I want to be dependent on my creator not created things. it is not fun admitting that i am not living that way currently but is is comforting knowing that i have the potential to better myself and that the creator has a willingness to help me live that way. i will be adventurous i will be less about me and more about others. i will love renae better, i will love my community better, i will love my family better, i will love the act of loving better.. love is enough it has been and it will be

What I love about San Jose

I was walking out of a meeting at Mayfair Community Center and I saw a stand where they sold hot cheetos and elotes. As I passed by, the wind was blowing and there were little droplets of rain hitting my face. It was ethereal, one of those moments where you're happy to be alive and in direct contact with the elements. As I passed by the stand, I saw a bag attached to it that said, "Love where you live".

If you know me well enough, I'm sure you've heard me say that I'd rather live in LA anyday. That's a partial truth.

Here are some things that I adore about San Jose.

1. I love the eateries like Mark's Hot Dogs, Antipasto's, Jalisco's, La Victoria and Pho 54.

2. I love that growing up, some of my closest friends were Filipino, Vietnamese, Samoan, and from Sierra Leon. Everyone says that San Jose is overpopulated with Mexicans, which it is, but my circle of friends growing up was very diverse.

3. I love that San Jose is a very big city but it's one small world. You'll find this out if you work at a mall.

4. I love that San Francisco is an hour north and Santa Cruz is about 45 minutes south. I love that I can go to Sharks game, a Giants game, and a Warriors game without having to drive a long distance.

5. I love that in various eateries, you can witness a Flipino, Vietnamese, Black, or White person speaking Spanish.

6. I love the moments in San Jose where you're in the car with your friends and a hyphy song comes on. Those are priceless.

7. I love seeing shark fins on top of ambulances.

8. I love that literally anywhere, a taqueria or some genre of "Mexican" food can be found about five minutes away from where you are.

9. I love the Temple all the way up Quimby road, I've gone with some of my closest friends and now boyfriend up there to cry, to talk, or even by myself, just to think.

10. I love being from San Jose at Sharks games.

There's this one part in a Calle 13 song that says, "El que no queria a su patria, no queria a su madre." He's basically saying that if you reject your homeland, you reject your mother. San Jose is my city, the "United States" is my supposed homeland, but basically, if you can't claim your city, bye!

We suck at Love :)

Love your neighbor as yourself, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Love your enemies, turn the other cheek. If someone wrongs you forgive them seventy times seven times. Care for the orphan and the widow.

Love requires us to look at other peoples' situations and respond to them as if we are in the same position. When our neighbor has no job or is struggling in some area of their existence we should be as up in arms about it as if it were happening to ourselves or affecting a loved one.

I really love my family, my girlfriend, and my close friends a lot. I realize though that at one point or other in my life I didn't know any of those people at all. Prior to really knowing all of them there was the potential to love or not love any of them. “To know them is to love them” I think about that statement and I think it is completely relevant and at the same time one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. It makes sense because we are all humans and have to exist and interact with each other under certain preconditions. We have sin and stuff so there is the potential to fail miserably at relationships. The “and stuff” that I referred to in the last sentence is weird stuff like self esteem, where you devalue yourself or you esteem yourself way too much and have pride. There are tons of other things that encompass that “and stuff” but all and all human love is conditional so the “know to love” statement speaks to that conditionality directly. It's like saying “because you could potentially hurt me, or because you may potentially make me feel less or more, or you fill in the blank.... I have to asses that all of the conditions that exist between us are compatible in enough areas that I can choose to share this nebulous concept of love with you”. In so many words that is exactly what we do! And by no means am I encouraging anyone to completely disregard friendships or deep relationships based on compatibility but it is dangerous sometimes when that is the only thing that we base love on. I think you'd be shocked and amazed how close you could get with another human being, by establishing a relationship based on your differences, or better yet disregarding conditions all together. The “know to love” statement is ridiculous because in reality to know someone else at the simplest level is to know humanity. We are all made out of the same stuff we all bleed when we are cut, we all hurt when we lose something or someone important to us. So we already know exactly what we need to know about other people in order to sufficiently love them prior to “knowing them”, they are human just like yo are.

God proved to us that the only condition that love should be based upon is the Human Condition. He did so by becoming one. In Jesus' skin God loved and loved and loved people like you and I. Jesus said mourn with people who are mourning because you know it sucks to be alone in sad times. He says feed people who don't have anything to eat because you know what your stomach feels like when you are hungry. The “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” thing isn't just a catchy phrase, it's a way of life that says “I could easily be in the position of the person standing right in front of me because I am just as human as they are, so I will choose to treat them kindly”. LOVE OTHER HUMANS BASED ON THE CONDITION OF THEIR INHERENT HUMANNESS! If a HOLY God can love us then why can't we as unholy humans just love all of the other unholy humans?

(The crumby picture above is of a family in Nicaragua that fed me and let me sleep in their house free of charge for a few days while I was walking around Central America in shorts and a backpack. They fed me Nacatamales and Coca-Cola the father of the family was Giovanni he shared scriptures with me and the mosquitoes at night time. they loved me... and got to know me afterward)