Charter schools, school leadership, and showing privilege

The intersection of family values, school discipline, and white people who lack cultural competency deciding what's acceptable for people or students of color in a school setting is very personal to me. My little cousin recently was caught in the middle of that particular intersection and the thing is, though he may not be able to fully articulate the injustices he faced, he is not too young to understand how absurd the particular situation is. 

And here's the situation...but first, let's start with some disclaimers, shall we? These will make sense when the story is laid out.

1. I've always been one to speak my mind, and being critical of something is not equivalent to bashing it, though I have a right to and love a good drag session. There's a reason why this is the first disclaimer.

2. No, I don't have a Master's degree nor did I major in CHAD. I haven't gone through school leadership training and other than reading a few books and sitting through a few pieces of training on restorative justice, I'm still qualified to speak my mind about this particular situation because people of color are always expected to either  "keep it real" in staff meetings, bring the voice of reason when someone can't "control" their classroom, or give tips on how to relate to the "tough" kid or just talk to the tough kid in general. Between my years of babysitting and working with children since I was 18, I've gone through an evolution like many and when I see or hear about some nonsense because I actually read and I know a thing or two, I will say something about it especially if it involves kin. 

3. People of color need to be in leadership positions in schools in general, and especially if the community they are serving is a community of color.

4. Schools need cultural competency training, and I will say it again for the people in the back. SCHOOLS NEED CULTURAL COMPETENCY TRAINING. 

Alright, let's get this story started.

I'm going to change names and be as vague as possible in order to protect those involved. 

I have a little cousin who is charismatic, probably a kinesthetic learner, and outspoken. He goes to a school in the biggest charter school network in the South Bay. He recently got suspended because a student called him a "transgender gay" and my cousin, let's call him "Bobby", walked away. It was later acknowledged by the school's leadership team that no one was supervising in the vicinity so Bobby had no one to tell.  The bully comes around again to mess with Bobby, and this time, he kicks Bobby. Bobby kicks back. 

One last disclaimer: I don't have every single detail because I'm not Bobby's parents, I am speaking from what I know after talking to Bobby's family members. Because of restorative justice, calling a student a "bully" is wrong because we're taught to not identify them with their offense. But because I don't want to type "student who bullied" Bobby every single time, I knowingly am going to type "bully" instead. 

Bobby received the same consequence as the bully: suspension. His parents were rightfully angry. 1, why weren't there any teachers around to supervise what happened? 2, Bobby walked away the first time. 3, he reacted to the assault in the form of self-defense. 

The assistant principal literally suggested that Bobby should have curled up into a ball on the floor until the assault ended. This person didn't take into account agency over one's body and how in Bobby's familial culture, he is told from his loved ones to never let anyone put hands (or legs) on him because he respects himself. When addressing situations like these, school rules may not align with what is enforced at home. Nine times out of ten, it probably won't, but to tell the parents of a child that their son should have curled up in a ball implies that he should have gladly taken the assault and not defended himself WHICH LEADS ME TO MY NEXT POINT. 

The grown, white man handling the situation told Bobby's parents, "In my martial arts class, we define self-defense as..." So it's okay for a white adult male adult to pay for lessons to learn how to defend himself but he expects a little Brown boy who is being assaulted to lie down on the floor and take it?  THE HYPOCRISY. Why doesn't the assistant principal practice what he preaches then? Why is he taking self-defense classes in the form of martial arts when he doesn't expect the children that he serves to do the same (use self-defense to stop an assault)? I'm not saying "an eye for an eye" should be how schools should handle fights but a school is not a dojo. The assistant principal is learning self-defense in a controlled setting, the situation Bobby endured wasn't and obviously so if no one was supervising. 

Speaking from a cultural perspective, my dad always told me, "If by the third time someone won't stop messing with you, you have to do something. If they initiate and only if they initiate, you defend yourself. And I'll take care of the rest." And guess what? He's a brown belt in kung fu. He knows I didn't take kung fu, he knew I was skinny and didn't have much going for me in a physical fight, but he didn't want me to think it was okay to endure bullying and  he wanted me to know that standing up for yourself is noble. Nobody had the right to put their hands or legs on me, for any reason. Raise your hand if your parents taught you "take shit from no one"? 

Lastly, the letter Bobby's parents were supposed to sign said that the bully "pushed Bobby with his leg" when Bobby "kicked" the bully back. What do you call a "push with a leg"? I'm literally perplexed.

As a mother and as an educator, the manner in which this situation was handled is extremely concerning. I'm not saying Bobby shouldn't have gotten a consequence, I'm saying his consequence didn't match his offense. I'm also saying the assistant principal had a whole lot of nerve to say the things he said about how Bobby should have handled it, especially because he's paying to learn techniques to do the exact opposite if the situation presented itself. What's evident to me is that the person who handled this issue doesn't understand the cultural forces at play, he also displayed his privilege like a peacock. It's more often than not that students of color are criminalized from such an early age and if you lack the training, you'll be incapable of seeing the deeper implications. 

My child isn't in school yet, but I hope to be like my mother if and when an issue arises. I watched my mom navigate school issues like such a bad ass with my brother and I. They did whatever she wanted, whatever. She didn't serve on the PTA, she didn't bake cookies for the school secretaries, she didn't volunteer, and she didn't have any stock in the school other than her children attending it, but she made things happen for us. She was authoritative, no-nonsense, and she set the tone of atmosphere in which she navigated situations. Poetry in motion. To be honest, I probably wouldn't want to deal with her if she was the parent of one of my students lol. 

People always talk about "mama bear" coming to the rescue for their children but to every mama, daddy or family member who has had to stand up for their child in a school setting, I commend the hell out of you! 

Consuming Harlem: Tourism, Public Space, and Representations of the Black Diaspora

Consuming Harlem: Tourism, Public Space, and Representations of the Black Diaspora

by

 Yazmyn L. Skinner

Submitted to the Board of School of Liberal Arts and Sciences

School of Natural Science

in partial fulfillment of the requirements

for the degree of Bachelor of Arts

Purchase College

State University of New York

May 2014

Sponsor: Mary Kosut

Second Reader: Jason Pine  

INTRODUCTION

     When I was young and sitting in the back seat of our blue Honda, I would stare out my window at the beautiful black faces before me. My parents would drive from West 123^rd and Fredrick Douglas Blvd, which is where my father was raised. The lot across the street from my Grandmother’s 3^rd floor window was fenced off, separating the space from the church behind it and the 28^th precinct across the street. By the time I was 15, my grandmother was relocated to a development on 122^nd and 8^th avenue. The building that held her memories in Harlem was sold and renovated.  Fortunate for my grandmother her rent was fixed at $175 a month, the other tenants were paying $5,000 for a 1 Bedroom apartment. It became no secret that rent on these developments were increased to enforce the relocation of residents, so property could be sold for millions by real estate agents. These developments and vacant spaces are now “luxurious apartments” and renovated brownstones for those who can afford   $20,000 and more per month.

                

     The small, family-operated Chinese restaurant that was under my grandma’s building was bought out and replaced by an African Beauty Supply store and then a 99 cent store, currently this business is a spice and herb shop. The Pioneer supermarket that my grandma hated due to expired goods and high prices was also bought out and turned into a hotel called the Aloft.  

     The vacant spaces next to her house re emerged as a flower shop. An ambiguous management office that was always closed was on the corner of her block, now it is a business, whose name I cannot recall. With the increases in rent, most establishments are struggling to remain in business. The gentrification of Harlem is to blame for the changes over time towards private and local establishments.

WHAT’S AHEAD

     The spaces that were part of my childhood are being replaced with new cultural ideas and representations that reshape the experience of the Harlem community. My memories are now a part of the “back in the day stories…” told by my elders, as they stood in front of their vending tables, laughing and shaking their heads at departures of their favorite local spots. Harlem is entering a platform where elements of its past are replaced with new ideas that either maintain or erase the identities shared by local. Harlem has undergone social and cultural changes that are visible to most locals and some outsiders as well. 

        

     It has become clear to me that the people and spaces in Harlem have morphed into a mini diaspora of its own by attracting and acknowledging those that identify blatantly or obscurely with Africa.  The word diaspora, in general, refers to the scattered populations of those that share a specific geographic location or a movement of peoples from their original homeland. 

     Harlem is home to immigrant Africans and blacks that identify as Americans. Within this paradigm I will look at the ways the diaspora influences how one identifies with their blackness within the spaces of Harlem. This study examines how the diaspora affects ones shaping of identity transatlantically through the lens of non-locals (tourists).  The diaspora of Harlem reveals a disconnect among blacks who do not identify with their African past, and Africans who do not feel as if they are part of the American culture. I also will refer to the Diaspora to explore how tour companies utilize these identities to display culture all whilst questioning what aspects of the diaspora are prevalent with their creation of experience. 

                

     My study will explore Harlem’s past and present as I participate in tours around Harlem through the approach of tourism and cultural centers.  I will observe how cultural and social ideas have reshaped and redefined Harlem. Lastly, I will analyze how Harlem maintains its blackness while undergoing gentrification.

      I will be navigating Harlem under the guidance of local tour guides to observe the ways of which the Diasporas of Harlem is discussed, shared, and presented to tourists. I am primarily interested in non-locals who participate in these types of tours. There is a common misconception among non-white locals that non-local white people are moving into Harlem due to tourism. However, there is an increase of housing developments and businesses, as well as changes to pre-existing businesses which has increased the value and interest in Harlem. Gentrification began to consume Harlem’s air: locals blamed the epidemic of rent increases and the influx of white people moving into Harlem for these changes.

        

     There exists a domino effect on the community; the lives of Harlem’s communities are undergoing a change in space where the diaspora of Africa is supposed to exist. How can the diaspora umbrella the individuals of the African diaspora if historical landmarks, businesses and homes are being removed? 

              

     I have found establishments that utilize African and black American culture as a theme to accommodate the pre-existing identities of Harlem’s communities. I have come to believe that the diaspora poses the huge question, what is cultural identity?  This is why I referred to the global practices of tourism. Touring is the most popular way to experience life in another location. Although, Harlem is one place to experience African/black culture, I too am curious to know how culture and heritage is experienced by Africans and Blacks transatlantically in countries such as Brazil and Africa.  However, I will explore why Africans/blacks are not necessarily tourists but instead are pilgrims that are oblivious to the reality of time in order to experience a “shared past” of memories.

                

     A shift in the way one navigates space and enclaves impacts one’s own identity as well. In the case of this study the spaces I am referring to are enclaves that encompass cultural symbols and themes that utilize race and identity as commodities to separate themselves from the public spaces in Harlem.  Spaces such as West 116^th street are home to West African immigrants who have turned this space into their homes and location for business.  Harlem, has named this enclave -Little Africa. This enclave is marked by West African, Muslim, and Islamic practices, marking this area as distinctively different from the neighboring spaces and enclaves.

             

     There are several other ethnic and racially separate enclaves that exist within Harlem which I too will explore later in my study.  Meanwhile, for the sake of clarity, my intention is to understand how the diaspora has been (mis)used locally and globally.  I will explore how agency to the occupancy of public space is determined by global ideas of identity and how such have evolved to be part of Harlem’s identity as a culturally rich neighborhood and a top tourist site.

     By examining the impacts of tourism in the African and black American regions of Harlem, one could begin to understand how Harlem serves as a location for outsiders to immerse themselves upon the Diaspora of Africa through the streets of African and Black American cultures. These navigated spaces consist of cultural symbols that branch to the modern and historical understandings of black culture. My interest in Harlem has led me to my primary question, what about Harlem constitutes it as a representation of the Diasporas dispersed groups, whom of which have either lost their identity or replaced it with identities of their new culture.

TOURISM

     Tourism consists of organized experiences created for people to visit their places of interest. Many of these tourists are interested in experiencing another culture. Private and corporate tour companies accommodate tourists by creating shared histories of specific ethnic groups, inviting “pilgrims” to experience cultural enclaves. However, these spaces are created through social and political ideas that do not always correspond with local and global identities.

     Tours today do not only aim to create memorable experiences for travelers. Now, they attempt to illustrate “realistic” and modern forms of life in particular regions. For instance, Arjun Guneratne analyzed how walking tours represent ethnic status in a village in the Chitwan district of Nepal. In his study, Shaping The Tourist’s Gaze: Representing Ethnic Difference In A Nepali Village.  Through this tourism practice, he observed how modernity was determined and maintained by locals themselves. He found that globalization disrupts the “framing of locality” by revealing the ethnic differences between the lower (e.g. Tharu) and upper (e.g. Brahmin) castes, both of which play a role in the Nepali tour industry. The walking tours allowed for intimate observation of these caste differences. The tours advertise an “authentic” experience of the Tharu world where “time and civilization is forgotten” (Guneratne 2001:534). Tours of this kind are “time portals,” allowing travelers to experience otherness and familiarity in a foreign space.

            

     Proximity and intimacy are essential to success in the business of tourism. Ideas of modernity are maintained by examining how the past was lived in Nepali society. Guneratne observed the social and political structure of caste systems which attribute to the constructing of social order and interactions. The influences of this structuring creates ethnic-social groups that are casted to particular categories that place the Brahmans and others that are considered forward and pure within the grouping of modernity. Meanwhile, the Tharu’s are equivalent to the caste system which is associated with an ordering that reshapes their society.   

     The structuring is based on impurity and pureness and particular treatment is associated with those that are position in groups that seem befitting. Clearly, for Guneratne’s study the ideas of status are instilled in an approach that categorizes differences of status, which are then exemplified through tours where Nepalese of high ethnic status can attribute their forward modern behavior in particular spaces and practices that are familiar with global status and identity that resonates with tourists.  

     The tour guides are now in control in shaping the experiences for tourists by navigating to spaces were differences are made apparent. Brahman guides are given the power to project their ideas of modernity by displaying their power through their literacy (education) and wealth; in comparison to the Tharu’s who are illiterate ;( this is the shared belief of the Tharu’s as well. ) Guneratne’s understanding of the gaze being constructed through village walks directs his study to the examining of globalism and the structuring of identity that is further developed by tourism, in Pipariya ( a region in the Chitwan district).  Globalization varies based on the identity of locality of a given space, in a space where differences are kept visible, difference among tour guides is apparent when Tharu tour guides stated they choose to not partake in the process of global-local placement.

     In some instances, what you see is what you get, in the case of this study in relation to others, what travelers hope to see and instead do see, may not hold up to expectations. Pinho discusses the shaping of “Africanness” in Brazil through the usage of baianas, black women vendors. These women were not created but instead preserved as an idea and then are used to create an authentic experience through a symbol that is familiar within the context of Africa. She then goes on to the interests of black bodies that are exoticized and sexualized, which is nothing new, considering the slave Saartjie "Sarah" Baartman, was purchased in South Africa and traveled as a slave and an entertainer in a  freak show. Saartjie’s unusual features were her buttocks and elongated labia which made her a “freak,” in the defiance of western ideas but also a symbol where ideas of the African body and savagery were believed to be justified due to her physical differences. This concept is still relevant in modern day where black bodies are appealing and black face is a temporary costume.

                

     What grasped Gunertane’s interests was the questioning of the resourcefulness of anthropology, when searching for locality in the world where “ontological moorings” are diminishing, due to the creation of feelings ignited by practices and materials. Guneratne believes such practices were invented to accommodate global ideas of culture, opposed to acknowledging the local realities of culture within their own spaces. Placing global ideas in local settings encourages travelers to find meaning within a culture. The village of Pipariya is backwards; therefore the past is among the present configuration of modernity which allows the idea of change and coming of age present itself to others as a form of progression to modernity.   

       

     The idea of a specific culture or society modernizing is of interest especially to those who are ethnically related to these cultural enclaves. Those of which, seek to find the emotion of comfort and acceptance being among their own.  Patricia de Santana Pinho research aims at the motives for travel to Brazil, in relation to Guneratne,  Pinho has found the black travelers she interviewed in Bahia appreciated being part of the majority oppose to the minority. Pinho refers to Urry’s (2002) “romantic tourist gaze,” as the type of experiences sought and Guneratne explores the utility of “walking tours.” Both involve a sense of closeness by removing realism and playing off of fantasies.  In some cases the romanticized ideas come from false memories that create shared memories that are so captivating individuals seek truth and travel hoping to discover anything that reflects their ideas in public and private spaces. Within these spaces, travelers are immersed in enclaves that not only play off of their ideas and reasons for traveling, but also due to the appeal of particular social, ethnic, cultural histories that have created landmarks within these spaces, modifying and modernizing these spaces to locations that accommodate a diaspora, all while accommodating the never ending interests of travelers.

             

     It is not only the shared histories of particular spaces and cultures that are “revisited,” (by African descent travelers) and explored (non-African descent travelers), but the new spaces and changes made to uphold landmarks, symbols and experiences within regions that effect ways of interpreting social and ethnic identities. This idea is a facet of Dydia DeLyser’s when looking at memories placed upon Helen Hunt Jackson’s novel Ramona, the regions in Southern California served as a platform for the creation of the novels characters, ethnic climate and landmark settings. The realism and romanticism of Jackson’s novel inspired readers and travelers to identify and locate the spaces that resemble, specifically, Ramona’s home and marriage chapel. Like those discussed in Guneratne’s study, tourists came from different countries, societies and areas to see experience an “Old World,” Ramona admirers wanted to see the spaces that gave Ramona’s story meaning. DeLyser notes the new attractions that have developed to accommodate “social memories”(DeLyser 2003:887) which stems from “tourism and boosterism,” which profits off of selling attraction sites and objects, with the intentions of preserving memories and consumption habits through the creation of a new way of attributing meaning through themed inspired attractions. DeLyser strikes my interest when questioning the “new social memory [for a region] (DeLyser 2003:887), ” I then question the role of travelers within the tourism industry in relation to the experiences endured that are intended to provide cultural defiance.

               

     I have referred to the type of individuals within this section as travelers, an umbrella term for those who commute to continents and regions. When referring to a particular type of traveler, such as a pilgrim, I am identifying those who are influenced by ideas related to Alex Haley’s Roots; those who explore transatlantic spaces that reflect the paths and histories of Africans. A tourist seeks experiences that are other than the ones they live in or have experience, which some scholars have argued is influenced by exoticism, fetishism and otherness.

                

     This pertains to the ideas that are created but what about those who do not feel as if their experience was authentic enough, due to their expectations not being met or for the lack of education on the behalf of the traveler. It is plausible that the other experience experienced by African Americans is affected by geography and perception. The concept of otherness is a result of constructed social identities, the “otherness,” is the differences between minorities and majorities of a society which are controlled by those with power which influence the way identities are perceived. Sandra L. Richard’s study of how identities are constructed through hosts and tourists is projected through heritage tours and historical-landmarks that are used to create “re-assembled narratives,” (Richards: 2005: 617).  These narratives are related to theatre performance studies that address issues through memories. Richards’ claims culture and heritage she points is shaped through selectivity of ideas that “produce the effect of existing in the present,” (Richards: 2005: 617). The present effect of tourism for Richards is cross-examined through theatre. She relates the approaches of creating performances to the attractions that give memories of particular histories ways of which to be relevant and identifiable in the present.

                 

     The creations behind narratives, memories and the past influence the shaping of identities and knowledge which are part of the beliefs affiliated with the term, Afro-Diaspora.  The approach and beliefs that created this specific diaspora are intended to address the heritage of Africa in relation to those who seek a journey to a space where they can find “Africanness.” However, what other spaces are used to define the array of Africanness, when slaves were relocated to other continents during the slave trade from the early 1500s into the mid-1800s?  What are the different paths these slaves experienced in the Americans and the Caribbean and how are the lives of Africans within these spaces similar or different from African American travelers? Do these spaces resemble the shared ideas society is shown through media, capitalism and marketing? How do tour companies create experiences and what symbolic representations are utilized to do such?

                

     During my experience as a tourist and as a pilgrim, I have ventured to locations throughout Harlem with the anticipation of learning and consuming spaces that represent the history of Harlem. In conjunction with the information shared from site to site, the information told by my tour guides correlates with ideas of Africans and black Americans shared past histories which are found in Harlem. Such information has led me to explore how the African diaspora influences the culture, heritage and spaces that represent the identities of blacks and African Americans. Ultimately, I am investigating how Africans and blacks have shaped culture and how such ideas are presented today by looking at modern spaces. The African diaspora has provided a window of opportunity to experience a heritage through tourism. I intend to examine the authenticity of information shared about Harlem’s history in relation to present day Harlem.

How Ethnic Studies Changed My Life...And Ruined Me For Normalcy

Snapshot back into my first year of college: I went from being a Magna Cum Laude/AP Literature and AP Calculus passing high school Senior, to a college Freshman struggling with a break-up and with the harsh reality of two failed classes. I literally thought to myself, "What the heck happened here?"

Mexican-American Studies had saved my life, and also my GPA. It's true, when you study what you love, your grades reflect that. My opinion is, if you're paying for an education, it might as well be in something that you're interested in. Anyways, in my ethnic studies classes, the lies I was taught for years were demystified in a matter of months and I grew a pride in my culture that was already there, but now I was becoming educated on my history, on the literature, and I fell in love with myself as a WOMAN OF COLOR. Not only did I minor in Mexican-American Studies but I had enough classes to minor in Women's Studies as well. You can definitely say that I had my awakening in both arenas. What I studied in one discipline, supported the other. 

One of my professors said, "You will learn to think critically, you are becoming conscious, and once you are conscious of the world we live in, you can't reverse it." Within my circle of friends, I somewhat became the person that would talk about race, argue about equal rights and immigration, discuss gender equality, and lose my cool when someone called me "Hispanic" when everybody else was just trying to enjoy a bite to eat. The fact of the matter is, I had to learn that you can devote your life to a certain discipline that NO ONE CARES ABOUT. So when you find someone you can vibe and talk with about the issues that matter to you, it's a special connection. This connection was one of the strongest connections I felt when I first met my husband.

I remember at a certain age I realized that there was definitely an intersection between class, race, and sex. One time I asked my dad at a fancy restaurant, "Daddy, how come all of the waiters and waitresses are White, but everybody picking up after people and busing tables looks like us?" We were fortunate to go on vacation often and when I was a teenager I thought to myself, "I don't see any male maids, and why do they all speak Spanish?" Going to college only increased this awareness. I ask myself these types of  questions every single day and I see the intersection of class, race, and sex in my everyday life, especially in the organization that I currently work for. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming the White Man/The Colonizer/The Land Occupier/The Pilgrims/The Government for my problems at least...I believe in hard work, in the right timing, and most importantly, favor from God but I will say that I believe in the White Experience and White Privilege. 

I went to the Superior Court today to turn in a ticket that I got signed off and immediately, my mind began to wander. In a line of about 30, I only saw three people that "looked" Caucasian. Who knows what their ancestry was, maybe they were Argentinian, who knows, but the main issue was, 27/30 were identifiable as people of color. My thoughts? If you break a law, you need to have consequences. The reason I got a ticket in the first place was because I was not responsible in purchasing my registration on time. I deserved to get a ticket, I didn't follow the law. But, I don't think it's a coincidence that there were only 3 Caucasian or 3 people with European features in line. I'm not saying that people of color are irresponsible, what I am saying is that sometimes you get pulled over for "Driving while Brown" or "Driving While Black". 

I went up to the window to pay and was told, "I'm sorry hun, your ticket isn't in the system yet." I tend to be very forward like my father and I asked, "And that means?" I was told, that I couldn't pay my minor fine due to the fact that the ticket wasn't in the system. I asked if I could mail in my ticket and the lady advised against it, saying that there was a huge potential that the ticket could get lost, my best bet was to come back and pay in person. Ironically, I heard a man a few people ahead of me telling his clerk, "Why can't I pay today? I can't miss any more work. I have the money now." I thought to myself, "Oh my gosh, the system is real! Mostly people of color are in here, and on top of that, the system works in a way where they will most likely have to take time OFF of work once again, which is a hassle, to take care of what they need to. What if these people are hourly? What if their boss doesn't give them clearance?" Thankfully enough, I have enough flexibility within my job to take off a few hours here and there to handle my business, but not everyone is in a flexible position like I am. 

I left frustrated. And just a heads up, just because I am person of color doesn't mean that I walk around defeated or making excuses for my place in the world, but like I mentioned before, I would be foolish to think that my opinions and thoughts are applicable to every person of color's situation, however, I write to say, never lose your ability to think critically or ask critical questions of our society. 

Happi House and Happier Times

     

     After realizing that the Iguanas by our new home wasn't ready yet, we drove down the street to a Happi House nearby. Happi House isn't the place you choose first, it's normally the second choice or an after thought, almost like, "Ehh, I guess I can eat it." At least for me it is. As we were eating, I got very quiet and began to reminisce. 

     My grandparents on my mom's side are deceased and I catch myself thinking about them often. I think about how I need to visit them, how much I miss them, and how I knew at one point, I would have to face the reality that people don't live forever. If I could choose anybody in my life to be immortal, it would be them. I miss the smell of their house, the dim kitchen light, the sugar on the counter from pan dulce, and most of all, my talks with them. I miss my grandfather's sense of humor and my grandmother's encouragement. I miss their love for animals, their love for those who live on Indian Reservations, their love for the Spanish language, and most of all, their love for God. I miss our car rides to Mark's Hot Dogs and birthday celebrations at Hometown Buffet or Sizzler. I asked God that they would live long enough to see me get married and he was gracious enough to grant me that. I also asked Him that they would live long enough to hold their great-great grandchild but for some reason I always knew that that prayer would not be answered. Maybe because we didn't plan to have kids right away and at a certain point, you realize that people's bodies eventually shut down. 

     Family has always been important to me. Growing up, we did everything together. I literally spent the night at their house 3x a month. I'm happy that my grandparents were as strong as a force in my life as my parents were. Now that they're gone, one thing I miss the most are family dinners. We as a family would often meet up once every couple of weeks for birthday parties, honor roll celebrations, water polo games, etc. And after every event, we would often go out to eat at Hometown Buffet, Sizzler, or Happi House. I can remember us going to Happi House often or us ordering Happi House to go. The smell of it was comforting, and though the tempura and teriyaki chicken are amazing, it tastes like the warmth you can only get from being around your family.

     My Nani and Tot hated being wasteful, so much so that they would keep leftover Happi House in the refrigerator for way to long. I can remember opening the fridge and seeing the little white pieces in the salad stick out of the box, opening the box and seeing wilted salad. They loved Happi House, and they loved their salads. One time we celebrated my Nani and Tot's anniversary at Happi House, it had to have been their 65th. 

     It's a known science that certain sights, scents, and surroundings can trigger memories and I'm happy that I got a glimpse of what my life used to be like tonight. Sadly, when the matriarch and patriarch of a family pass on, things change. You're forced to deal with the absence of someone you expected to live forever. I guess that's what I felt tonight, though they didn't live forever, they essentially do live forever, en mi corazon. 

The picture above was taken at the Happi House off of McKee Road, rest in power. 

On Holy Ground and James Brown

Let me start off by saying, this is a post about the importance of my faith in my life. 

It's common knowledge that most singers get their start in the church. There's something about gospel music that touches the innermost part of the soul. I've heard people who don't practice religion or believe in a higher power say that gospel music does something to them. :)

Last night I saw "Get on Up", the James Brown story. It was truly amazing. Not to discredit anyone's rise to fame, but nowadays it's so easy to get discovered on Youtube, to win on American Idol or to get your start on The Voice. When you look at the stories of people like Ray Charles, James Brown, even Keisha Cole, their upbringing was definitely humble and filled with circumstances that are less than desirable. 

I can't say that my parents were huge fans of Mr. Brown, but I can say that I was exposed to his music on a regular basis in my home. Come on, who doesn't know his hits?

James Brown? Grew up in Augusta, Georgia. He witnessed violence and marital dysfunction in his home by his parents. His mom left to become a prostitute and his father left him to be raised by a madam while he joined the army. Regardless of the accuracy of this scene, as a young child he walked into a church which was clearly Pentecostal and what he witnessed changed his life forever. People were singing, dancing, and falling out as the Pastor led the song. My takeaway was that from watching the Pastor be free, he was exposed to dancing, charisma, performance and what it means to have music touch the soul.  The Pastor was screaming the way James Brown was famous for, he also spun around dancing and then jumped down on the floor in a kneeling position...classic James Brown moves.  

I've heard many artists, Nelly, Usher, Katy Perry, Adrienne Bailon, Lauryn Hill say that the church is their roots. On a mixtape I purchased, Lauryn Hill spoke on the importance of the live sound on her records. She said, "I bring the organ straight out the church, you can't fake that."

It's no surprise that I grew up in church. My upbringing might be a little different in the sense that my grandparents were extremely religious. If I wasn't watching Disney movies at their house, TBN was always on the TV screen. Every time I was in their car, "Standing on Holy Ground" would always play on the cassette tape.  

I attend CWC at Mount Pleasant High School and the worship leader's name is Troy Lepisi. Today, he sang "Standing on Holy Ground". I don't think you understand, Troy sounds like Fred Hammond, almost identically, and Troy would sing with the same passion if there were 10 people in the congregation or 1,000. It touched me, not only because Troy did the song justice, but it brought me back to being in my grandparent's car when I was a little girl. It made me really, really miss my grandparents. I haven't really grieved over my grandmother and today I feel like I did a little. I miss her, I miss them, I'd do anything to take a nap with her or just talk to her. The lyrics say, "We are standing on holy ground, and I know that there are angels all around." When Troy sang the part about the angels, I felt peace knowing that my grandparents are with the angels, and more importantly with their Savior. There's no greater feeling than knowing that your loved ones are in heaven and that there is hope that I will see them again. It's such a weird feeling to be grieving but to simultaneously have peace at the exact same time.I felt as if we touched each other in that moment. 

James Brown and my grandparents have nothing in common but this weekend I was reminded of my roots: church. I was reminded in two ways: the movie and a song. The powerful thing about music is that a song can spark an instant emotion or memory. 

I feel blessed knowing that I was exposed to my faith at such a young age, like many of the artists mentioned. Jesus is my anchor, and he always helps me "Get on Up."

My baby: Raindrops Exclusive Jewelry

It's official! My website is launched. This all started in March of this year, but in 2012, I wrote in my journal that I was artistically frustrated and I that I wanted to work with my hands. So basically, this has been two years in the making. 

Some basic info, most of the stuff is one of a kind and I don't intend to make more unless I feel the need to or there is a huge demand. However, some of the materials were purchased at random/various flea markets so the likelihood of purchasing the exact same beads or materials is quite slim. 

This is just a start, but for a humble beginning, I am extremely proud. Hate it or love it, I did me. 

You can see all of these pictures on raindropsexclusivejewelry.bigcartel.com but I wanted to share these photos. Shot by myself and my husband, edited by me. Enjoy. :)

Trust the process. Your process.

Went to Point Lobos today for the first time in 15 years. My dad took my brother and I when I was ten years old and today, I felt the need to be alone and one with nature. 

I have always loved the ocean, not only is it beautiful but it is merciless and ruthless. 

While watching the ocean, climbing rocks, and snapping pictures, I remembered the rock cycle that all of my second grade students learned about this year. I thought to myself, "Man, these rocks have been through some thangs if they come out looking this beautiful."

I then realized that these rocks had been through a process of continual shaping and molding and being beat by the ocean waves. All of the rocks were differently beautiful in one way or another. The process they endured probably lasted for thousands of years. 

I realized that in order to reach our full potential, we must first go through a cycle of continual shaping and molding, and not just one cycle, but multiple cycles. These cycles might take more years than we would like. All of us will turn out differently, that's why it's important to trust the process of OUR OWN cycle. 

Go to Point Lobos when you have the chance.