A lot of changes have been happening lately. I got transferred to a new school site within my job that requires 10x more structure. I'll finally be able to speak Spanish because the school's demographic is 97% Latino. The school site is literally 5 minutes away from my house and the job requires more hours which turns into more pay. It couldn't be more perfect. I stopped serving in youth group and will be officially serving in the Spanish ministry playing percussion alongside an awesome father, Mr. Jay Salas. I finally have an expected graduation date which I've never had before and it really is a beautiful things to me. My Ryan got a new job working in a charter school system whose goals and methods he fully supports. Though a lot of changes have been happening, none have been overwhelming, and I thank God for that.
I think the words "Lost in Translation" are beautiful depending on how you look at it. Many times, I am lost in translation with Spanish because I know exactly what I want to say, I just can't express it as easily as I do in English. Though frustrating, in my perspective, this is the beauty of languages.
I have to be honest, I am very excited about this upcoming semester, but I am also equally nervous. I've always had this fear of "not being good enough" and this is one of the reasons why I primarily dismissed the possibility of ever learning Spanish, because as stated in Selena, "Being a Mexican-American is exhausting," and especially when it comes to the language, "They will eat you up and spit you out." I've come to terms with the fact that I may never achieve fluency, and though I have improved leaps and bounds, I have to recognize that the concepts and ideas that will be lost in translation, God will take care of, especially when it comes to how I want to use this language to touch people's lives.
I have three semesters left, to the average person, that's a really long time, to someone who has changed their major three times, it's a beautiful possibility. After I graduate, I have somewhat of an idea with how I want to navigate my life, I have certain companies in mind that I would like to work for, I know that I want to attend the National Hispanic (The H-word! No!) University, but I'm not sure as to what I would like to major in. But until that time comes, I will clothe my dreams and prayer.
Ryan and I tend to do act out a lot of fictional situations or situations we know we will encounter in the future. This past Saturday, while stuffing our faces with pizza, I practiced a graduation speech in Spanish while he translated. After I welcomed everyone for coming, I then said, "For all of you who have made fun of me for taking 5.5 years in the university, the door is over there, and you can dismiss yourself." Harsh statement, but despite the fact that this amount of time is the norm for those attempting to earn their undergraduate degree, very few people have any clue about how I've struggled in college. The two failed classes, the vomiting before finals, the terrible eating habits, the changing of majors three times, the all-niters, the surgery, and the mental battles I fight with Spanish, it's been rough. I'm not stating my reality for sympathy cause I could really care less, I'm stating my reality so people can recognize that yes, it's a joke, I'm a super senior, however, I'm exceling in something that I feel God will use in a mighty way. Spanish isn't my tongue, it's my heart. And the expectation that comes with being Mexican-American to speak a language that isn't my first tongue wasn't enough to stop me.
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